Systems nominalCFO proximity alert
Flight deck · live

Captain Azoz

High altitude pilot, low budget husband.

Incoming roast transmission

Flies a £200,000 aircraft. Splits a meal deal to save 80p.

Altitude
38,000ft
Net spend
£0.00/approved
Hidden buys
3active
Sleep score
0/100
The minimum wage arc

The CFO Shield

The strategy is simple. Earn a captain's salary, declare a barista's budget. Every luxury purchase gets re-filed as a humble necessity before it reaches the household CFO (his wife). Toggle a purchase to see what she sees versus what actually happened.

Household ledger · what she sees
£14declared

Filed under “minimum wage essentials”. Approved without question.

Reality · what actually left the account
£930spent
Successfully concealed
£916

Shield holding. Marriage solvent. Garage upgraded.

Flight deck tracker

Frequent routes

The regular circuit, plus the dream sitting in the flight plan.

RUHJED

The commute. Could do it asleep. Frequently does.

JEDDEL

Brings back snacks. Declares them as zero-cost cargo.

RUHDEL

Long enough to plan three purchases the CFO won't see.

JEDGVA

Geneva. Window-shops watches he files as 'basic timekeeping'.

Flight plan · the dream

B747 Cargo · Atlas Air

The goal: command the 747 heavy-lifter and frame-mog the skies hauling boxes the size of the family car. Maximum tonnage, maximum presence, minimum declared spend on the ground.

Max payload
137t
of heavy boxes
Frame-mog
100
/100 presence
Ground spend
£0
declared
Health & sleep gauge

Zombie pilot mode

The onboard diagnostics are honest, even when the captain isn't. Sleep regularity has flatlined. Diet is running on three protein products.

0
sleep score
Zombie pilot mode active

Sleep regularity: 0/100. Recommended action ignored since 2019.

Survival fuel · loaded
  • Nada Greek 0% Plain yogurt
    Pure protein. Zero joy. Zero fat.
  • Ninja CREAMi protein ice cream
    Dessert that counts as a meal prep.
  • Arla Protein Chocolate Pudding
    Emergency 3am cockpit morale fuel.
Caffeine
MAX
REM sleep
0%
Vibes
OK
Interactive controls

Cockpit panel

Real switches. Pull them and watch the readout. No flight experience required, no budget approval either.

CFO warning system

BUDGET BREACH DETECTED · SPENDING ABOVE WAGE

H8 AGM diagnostics

2016 Range Rover Sport Autobiography. Status unknown.

B747 fuel system

Loading 0% plain yogurt as jet fuel · 0%